My Adult Christmas List

>> Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Dark Knight: Two Disc Special Edition with Digital Copy
No more lives torn apart
Windshield Wipers
No wars to ever start
Brighter Headlight Bulbs
Time to heal all hearts
Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card
Everyone to have a friend
A Wife
Right to always win
Love to never end
New Windshield


The life and times

>> Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Whilst my friends and family plan and execute family vacations, prepare for children, and make changes in their life to accommodate school and future careers, I buy an 8 gig flash drive for 30 bucks. It just doesn't seem fair that they should miss out on such great deals.

Now playing: Missy Higgins - Scar
via FoxyTunes



>> Monday, September 1, 2008

Sure, it's a bit morbid. But you know what? It's still hilarious. This pretty much establishes my sense of humor here. All I'm missing is the Swiss Army lightsaber.


>> Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Since the world isn't perfect, I have decided to share with you who I am, in picture form. More to come once I drag my giant old external hard drive out of the box covered in shirts. I think this is a fairly good representation of what I'm all about. Oh wait, there is one more...

Yeah, that's my girl Nastia. There's nothing like having a gold
medalist for a girlfriend. She's good to me.

Other things you can learn from this post:
I have yet to teach myself how to format posts properly.
I dream about beautiful people
I spend way too much time on the internet


So we can learn to pick ourselves up

>> Monday, August 18, 2008

If you ever want to stop being friends with me, lie directly to my face, and then go against what you told me within seven days. It does a bang-up job of getting me to not like you or want to speak to you in the least.

On a lighter side, I tried wakeboarding for the first time Saturday. I think it would be something I would really enjoy, if I could, you know, get up. I shouldn't be so pessimistic. I got up once. For thirty seconds. And it was great until I realized the water was getting closer to my face, and it wasn't a wake coming toward me. Sinuses are not made to hold water.

As I was telling my mom and sister about it, my mom said that when you fall on water, there go your ribs. I asked her how many times she had lost her ribs when she fell on the water. I think it reminded her of how much it hurt, because she held her ribs for a long time after that. I think she was crying.


Why do we fall down, Bruce?

>> Saturday, August 9, 2008

Life has a way of triggering complete emotional breakdowns in me. Sometimes they even occur in front of girls I'm interested in, like this last one did. Here's basically how it went down:

"Hi, I'm Steve." Random charming comment or two. "I'd like to take you out some time." Best first date ever goes here. "You are pretty much the coolest girl ever. We need to go out again soon." Wonderful second date goes here. Cue emotional breakdown. "I'm basically crazy, and am scared to death of being alone forever. All my close friends are married, and I would love for nothing more than to be married also. Because of that, I try to start relationships way too quickly."

The middle details of this consist of her not really wanting a relationship right now, which I suspected from the start, but didn't want to be the case. But such is life. After my meltdown, I never expect people to react in a positive light. I mean, let's take this case. I knew this girl for a week before she found out I was crazy. How in the world would you react if this happened to you? Well she didn't run away warning everyone she knew to steer clear of me. Here's how that went down:

"You aren't crazy, you are just insecure. Why do you feel this way? Boy, it sure is unhealthy that you don't talk to you friends very often about this. What makes you think that? It really is ok that you are almost 24 and not married. I'm sorry that I caused all this." Objections on my part to it not being her fault. More chit chat about the whole thing, still. Embarrassing moment of dozing off an snoring in front of her.

I think this is the first time I have had this happen with someone I didn't know very well. All other times it has occurred with a good friend or someone I have been dating for a while. I was shocked to know that she still wanted to get to know me more. I mean, what kind of person does that? Good people do that. People who don't think you are crazy, despite evidence to the contrary. People who are willing to stick it out regardless of knowing there will be more hard times to come. Friends.


>> Monday, August 4, 2008

/end childish emotional rant



>> Saturday, July 12, 2008

Everybody knows that computers stink. Yours may not be giving you trouble at the moment. You might lovingly spray it with concentrated air to keep it clean and caress it's screen with cleaning wipes to save it's beautiful artificial glow. But here's the straight dope, jack: It will eventually fail you. No matter how much antivirus and malware protection you have on that sucker, it's eventually going to die, and it will piss you off when it does. So back up your computer, and back it up often. Yeah, it might seem like a waste of money to go buy an external hard drive just to back up your perfectly running computer. But it will be worth it. You will be happy. And while you are at it, switch to Firefox and use a bookmark add on so you don't lose all your bookmarks, too. Personal experience, so take it and use it.


Firefox 3

>> Thursday, June 19, 2008

If you don't use Firefox yet, there has never been a better time to adopt! Here is where you can get it. Download it. Install it. Love it. Go to Tools and access the add ons. Love it even more. I'll let the website itself speak for how amazing the browser is. Some add ons you might like:

Adblocker Plus-You know all those annoying banner ads that flash and have stupid games where you can supposedly win a bunch of money from? With this, you won't see another one. Simply amazing.

Download Status Toolbar- instead of a separate window coming up, this little program causes a small toolbar to appear at the bottom of the browser to let you easily manage all your recent downloads.

PicLens- An amazing addon that lets you view a large number of pictures from a websites like google, flickr, amazon, yahoo, facebook and more.

Foxytunes- For the music-centric web surfer. Lets you control your music player straight from your browser. Supports Winamp, Windows Media Player and, of course, iTunes among many others.

Forecastfox- Simple weather tool to check weather. Allows setup of multiple profiles to quickly switch to or simply check weather in other areas than your own.

Stumbleupon- Select which topics you are interested in and start stumbling. Each time you stumble, a new website related to the topics you chose will come up for you to discover. Addicting.

Scribefire- Excellent tool which allows you to blog anytime, regardless if you are on your blog page or not. You can write a little bit, minimize scribefire, then go back to it later and finish it up.

Other- You can download custom skins, or programs that change the look of Firefox, to make your browser even more personalized.

But seriously. You will lose nothing by switching to Firefox. It's simply incredible.


Getting There

>> Thursday, June 12, 2008

So I'm in Rexburg now. I moved back up about a week ago to an apt complex called West Park. I've got one roommate, whose name is Trent. He's from Gilbert, AZ and moved up here a bit early to be with friends before he starts classes in July at BYU-I. I'm still working at the big M, which is one of the reasons I am even in Rexburg. I could have transferred to the IF Call Center, but I wanted to stay at the Rexburg one, since I would be working with more people my age.

My singles ward is just that, an actual ward. There are over 100 people that were there last Sunday, and it was weird to have a singles ward meeting in the chapel, not just the Relief Society room like the branch back in IF. It should be a lot of fun. For FHE we climbed 'R' Mountain, and had a lesson at the top. There is Stake Softball each Thursday, which I did today. We got a full team there, which was nice, and played. My roommate is pretty much amazing at baseball, so he was the star of the night. Yours truly hasn't played ball in a long time, so only did mediocre, and will be fairly sore tomorrow.

All in all everything is going pretty well so far. I like where I live, I like my roommate, and am working on improving my job status. There are some pretty cute girls in the ward, which is always promising. I'll just need to work up the guts to actually talk to them first, though...



>> Saturday, May 31, 2008

Just thought I'd post some pictures from my most recent trip. My sister Lisa recently received her Masters from University of Phoenix. On our way back from Vegas and the graduation, we went to Zion Natl Park and went on the Angels Landing hike.


As It Is

>> Wednesday, May 7, 2008

So here's the scoop for anyone who actually reads my blog. I am not just deferring my summer semester. I had bad grades, so I am on academic suspension. Let me emphasize ACADEMIC. No, I didn't fornicate, nor did I get caught with pot or any of the myriad things you are thinking. I had bad grades. That is all.

Now what this means is that I can't go back to the school for at least a year, and I must fulfill 12 credits from another institution for them to even consider me back. But this was pretty much the last thing that has forced me away from BYU-I forever. If you would like to ask me why another time, feel free. The real problem this has caused is that I had a contract for the summer semester at Aspen Village. Since the school has kicked me out and I am no longer a student, that means I can't live there anymore. Now, call me crazy, but I would automatically assume that since the SCHOOL is essentially kicking me out of that housing, the contract would be made null and void by them. But that would be silly. No, am still held responsible for that contract, and if I can't sell it, I have to pay for it. EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT ALLOWED TO LIVE THERE. Sounds like a perfectly Christian thing to do. And I understand that a contract is binding, and that those housing complexes need to make money, but seriously how many contracts does this affect each semester? Like, two? As if the owners of those things are starved for money. Grrr.

So right now I'm at home in IF, but still working at Melaleuca in Rexburg. Good old commute. Especially since they are doing major construction on the road. Which is needed, though. Highway 20 had nearly turned into swiss cheese after this winter. I plan on moving back up to Rexburg sometime in the next couple weeks. Hopefully everything works out.



>> Saturday, May 3, 2008

I have thought for some time now that what I needed in my life to really push me to where I felt I needed to be was a good girl. Someone I could fall in love with and marry. If only I had that, it would give me the motivation to be a better person, to work a little harder at what I'm doing. Perhaps the reason I feel that way is because it's happened to me once before. I met someone who drove me to be better, kinder, and a closer follower of Christ. Losing her..was literally losing one of my best friends, and so much more.

It's like having part of you leave. When you are ready to commit yourself to the notion of being with this person forever. Like having a single bite of the most delicious food you have ever tasted, only to have it taken immediately after, completely unexpectedly. To have something so precious and so dear torn from you-it's horrifying. It is something that has affected me more than I am willing to admit. I honestly believe I should have married her. Had we been wed, we would have had our difficulties, but we would be happy.

It's not so painful anymore. It's changed from a longing for her to a longing for that feeling. That feeling of calm, safety and security so desired that once you feel it, you can't help but...crave it. It becomes a thing of such importance to you that you would do anything you could to have it again, save for the absolute fear of losing it again. To be crushed so completely again would break your fragile heart and literally kill you. So you sit and wait. But you wait too long. You are too scared to invest enough of you to find out. You worry that you will be investing too much in the wrong person, and in that time, the right one will have passed by already. So you keep waiting. But you wait too long.

By the time you settle on one person, they have already started dating someone else. And even though you may know that relationship is doomed to fail, and that you and her would make a fantastic couple, you wait even longer. You wait, hoping they will break up, hoping she will see you for the amazing person you are. See you as desirable, as someone who inspires them to do their best and to make the most of themselves. They become a person who might bring that feeling back into your life.

I live for love. I don't live for toys, or for money or the shiny things it can buy. If I can have the love I seek, I won't care about anything else. Life will be worth it. All the trials, all the stress about work and school(sic) and money would be worth the happiness you would find in your home, in your family, in your relationship with your wife. A friend has often asked me why I want to be married so badly. That friend is married now. I truly hope he understands why I desire marriage. I want to be able to go into my home and see her there, to know that regardless of what has happened that day, she will be there to hug me. A hug that has so much meaning in it that it becomes all you need. You feel such pure joy just being near them. They fit so perfectly in your arms that if the world were to end, you would desire nothing more than to have them there safely inside your arms.

I crave the love I cannot have without improving myself first, yet I feel I need that love to push me to improve myself. Once again, my decisions get wrapped up in a paradox. A paradox that is ever growing to encompass all matter in my life.


I hate Macs

>> Tuesday, April 15, 2008

So we recorded our first podcast a couple weeks ago, and we sat down and listened to it last week. We found out that six minutes into the recording, we found out that the recording went scratchy. So there goes a few hours of work! It turns out that there is a glitch in Garageband that doesn't have a fix yet. So now we go back to recording using a different program that records natively in a different file format. Hopefully we can convert this format, so we haven't wasted even more hours of our precious life.


Wind down

>> Thursday, April 10, 2008

Sweet sassy Molassy! The semester is finally over! I'm sure most of you still have classes, though *snickers*. We here at BYU-I have short semesters, due to the school's schedule. It can be a good and a bad thing. Regardless, though, the semester is over, and I will be taking the next semester off to weigh in my options and pay off some bills. That means going back to full-time employment and waking up earlier. It will be a pleasant change. Now if I could only work on that dating bit, I'd be in business...


Slowly getting there

>> Friday, April 4, 2008

Well, we finally did it. My friend Ben and I finally recorded our first podcast. No, no, don't get too excited about it yet. We still need to do a little editing on it, but that won't get taken care of until next week, due to the fact that I am in classes still and have a job, and Ben also works a lot. Hopefully we will be getting it up by next weekend.


>> Friday, March 28, 2008

Ah, how life throws you twists and turns. Sometimes there just don't seem to be words to accurately describe how one feels. Even if there were, it is such a mishmash of emotions that it wouldn't make any sense to anyone but the person experiencing it. It's just...AAAAHH! If only I could convey emotion easily through pen and paper...err, digital ink. It's like experiencing angst, depression, rejection, confusion, fear, and determination all at once. You have finally realized one part of why life is horrible, but you don't really know what to do to break out of it. You seek answers, and all you get is more confusion. If you could only get a little inkling of where to begin, you could break out. You could figure out where you were supposed to be, what you were supposed to be doing, and how to really enjoy things if you you could but grasp the beginning point.

Oh, and a pic. Just for you, Sylvia ;)


One step closer

>> Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I have a confession. I have a dream car. It's such a beautiful thing. It's not some sports car, or exotic beauty. Matter of fact, I could sell my car and buy one right now if I wanted. If I did that though, I would be sacrificing my masculinity, without having a shred of dignity remaining.

Yeah, it's that bad boy right there. Go ahead, start laughing. No really, it's ok. Everybody else laughs when I tell them. It's just so, mmmm, tasty! Now, it's not like I'd buy just any New Beetle and call it good. No, to try to justify the purchase it would have to have certain specs. First, it would need to be a certain color. Silver would be the first choice. Ok, silver would be the only choice. And it would be turbo. With leather, heated seats and a sunroof. Oh yeah, that would be nice. Naturally, I would need a set of tires for the winter.

If you have never sat in one of these, oh, you are in for a treat. They look so small, but once you sit down in them you realize how roomy they are. It's amazing! When I actually got to sit in one, it was late in the day, so I wasn't able to take the time to drive one.

I think my love for the New Beetle started with the Nintendo 64. There was a racing game that came out called Beetle Adventure Racing. I bought the game because I liked the design for the New Beetle, not because I expected it to be a quality title. It was basically an advertisement for the car, of course. What I didn't expect was that it turned out to be a pretty sweet little ditty of a racer. Since then, I have wanted to own the vehicle. The only way I could buy the car and not be laughed at constantly is by waiting until I am married and buy it "for my wife". So I guess I'll have to wait until then so I can shamefully hide my passion behind that excuse.


A little treat for ya

>> Friday, March 21, 2008

In between legitimate posts, I'll throw this in. I was cleaning up a couple (that's right, more than one) flash drives, and I found this paper I had written my first year in college. You can almost feel your hair getting blown around while reading it!

Running was part of my life. I had begun as a young 12 year-old at my middle school, slowly improving and progressing, with the occasional stand-still as injuries were acquired. I loved it. I loved the feeling of nausea after a good, hard workout. It felt even better after your body took the liberty of relieving your stomach of its contents because of that workout. All of that training seemed to culminate on the day I had my final race of my high school career.

It was a wonderfully warm day. I sat in the center of the track, stretching, just moments before the final call for the one mile race. I had run the race numerous times before, and normally would not be nervous, but this time was different. It was Districts, marking the first time I would be there to run, and not simply to keep time and cheer my teammates on. My mind was excited and prepared for the race. My stomach had different ideas. It seemed as if at every moment, it wanted to go in the opposite direction of the rest of my body. “Last call, Men’s 1600 Meter race.” My stomach tried running again.

I nodded to my friend, Kent, whom I would be racing against. We trotted over the lush grass, and walked on to the track. The aroma of splintered rubber tires rose to our noses, and we soaked it in. It excited us, helped prepare us for the forthcoming adventure. I looked around at the other runners. Some were doing free squats; others were on their tip-toes, as if they were straining to see over a crowd.

The crowd was giving support with their voices. Over them, I heard the bear-like growl of my coach, Bob Neal, yelling for me: “C’mon Steve Jenkins! Use those calves of a Goddess!” I smirked once more at the defining expression of my coach. Many others were yelling, friends and family alike, all trying to lend their strength to us through their voices. We drifted toward the waterfall start as the yelling continued. “Runners take their marks!” We settled in closely, that runner’s crowd of twenty. “Get set,” crowed the starter. Muscles tensed, arms drew back. “Go!”

We burst forth as if a pack of wolves closing in on their prey. Kent and I were at the front of the pack, quickly establishing our school, Hillcrest, as the Alpha Male. Close on our tails, craving that leadership, were two runners, one from Skyline and the other from Rigby. I was not about to lose leadership, and as we rounded 200 meters, my brother ran along the side of the track and encouraged me to maintain the Alpha position. 275 meters; the crowds grew louder as we neared completion of the initial lap of four. Again, Bob Neal barreled out, “Let’s go Steve Jenkins! C’mon Kent Shirley!” also encouraging us to stay in front.

One lap down, three to go. The group was thinning noticeably now. By the time the second lap was finished, there were gaps between runners, as if nature was taking its course and thinning the weak from the strong. My pack had been reduced to four: Me, the Alpha male, and three others, struggling to dethrone me. “No way” I thought. This was my time to shine, and I was not about to let some lesser animal usurp my power in front of everybody. 1125…1150 meters down, and the cheers continue. Nearing the final lap, the crowd began to get hysterical as they tried to force their energy upon us.

I cross the 1200 meter marker with Skyline close on my tail. Kent trailed by a small margin, still eager for leadership. The bell sounded, signaling the final lap. Only 400 meters left until my superiority was final. “I can’t let the others pass me, I must stay strong.” It was a line repeated in my mind over and over. 220 meters comes and goes, and my brother runs along once more. “Keep going!” he cheered. “It’s time to kick it in.” “But I’m really tired,” my mind came. I had slipped. With that small slip, my mind began falling ever so slowly, and my body responded by slowing down.

Skyline and Kent caught up, and took the outside lane to begin passing. “NO!” my mind screamed. At that moment, it all made sense. I needed that constant pressure to perform at my peak. That was what I had been missing throughout the years; someone to truly compete against. I had been stuck somewhere in the middle where I had stopped caring, and did not try. Now that I was in the front, that all changed, though. My mind immediately recovered from the slip and refocused. 125 meters left, and I gave it my all. The finish line neared, and quickly passed. I had defeated Skyline by over one second, showing that I had not given up. I walked off the track that day truly knowing what I needed to succeed.


The overly complex title for the reason

>> Tuesday, March 18, 2008

So why am I writing this blog? A few people might find it terribly odd that I have chosen a written medium for sharing my feelings, considering my history of making known my absolute hatred for writing papers for school projects and things. The real truth is, though, that I enjoy writing. It is a medium where I am able to sufficiently express my feelings. I feel that I am a good orator, but it seems that I frequently am unable to find the correct word to convey how I feel in a timely manner, which means I am there with my mouth open, pausing at awkward times when the right word comes. When I write, even if the right word doesn't come immediately, I have time to think of it without giving pause to the train of thought for the person I am communicating with.

Also, I plan on starting a podcast with a friend soon, and plan on maintaining a blog for that podcast containing commentary or other info we wanted in the podcast, but weren't able to fit in. I figured I also should start to learn more about some of the latest tech trends that are going on. I also hope to change my major to Communication soon. The current plan is to work for a company such as CNet, where I would be able to test and review new tech items that come out. Whether that pans out or not will be an interesting process. Regardless, if I do go in that direction, I will need more practice and expertise at writing, so when the time comes to act all professional and have something of a portfolio showcasing my talents, I at least won't be out of practice on writing. Plus, I like to use big words. It makes me feel smart.


The overly complex process of developing a title

You'd think that making a blog would be a simple process, setting it to look like you want, add a couple pictures, and viola! Unfortunately for me, I tend to over-complicate things. I was going to set this blog up a day ago, but was utterly stumped at what I was to name this. Did I want something witty, a funny name, or something serious. What would be best, and what would portray what I wanted in this blog? Well, nearly 24 hours after the process began, I have finally decided. It seems fitting that the title contain a word that many do not know, because it seems that when I speak to people, that happens often. I decided on that title to always remind me that this blog doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, I intend for it to be not that way at all. Also, this blog may contain things I don't normally talk about to people. My fears, worries, and, well, imperfections may come up on a frequent basis. Not to mention this is really the first time I have blogged at all, so I very well may be horrible at it. Let us begin...


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